we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
