How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
