remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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