If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
