ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
