just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
