: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
