Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
