We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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