im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize