I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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