how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
