shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
