oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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