The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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