if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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