I am in a vortex of obligation.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Randomize
