They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
