Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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