I just pynch a tree in the face
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
