he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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