He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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