You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
