Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
