I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
