Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize