home. puking in laundry basket.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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