Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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