Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
