Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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