Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
