i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
