How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
