Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
