why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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