She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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