just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize