What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
