just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
