forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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