I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
