Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
