Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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