I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
