saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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