Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
