I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
