at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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