Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
pray to the hookup gods
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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