Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
