I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
