Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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