So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
