matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
