Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Randomize
