So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
