Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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