I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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