cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
