Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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