i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
