When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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