Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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