how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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