just tell him i said nine months
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
