Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
