i permit you to call me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
