whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
