Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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