apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
