how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
