just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
