so explain again why im purple
no
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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